I haven't had the chance to tell about my wonderful iPhone I got almost 2 weeks ago. It feels like I have had it forever. I don't know what I used to do with out it! It is simply amazing. I am blogging from it in the form of a text message! Woo hoo!

Any way on to more news. I have started working towards some of the stuff I am craving. I have started working out, I have started taking prenatal vitamins again to help clear up my skin and grow out my hair. Ok so it's not a lot but it's more than I was doing!

And one last update. I may be losing my job. I am really freaking out about it. It's all my fault really. I should have gone in to work instead of taking another day off. Yet another thing I crave. A better work ethic. I was supposed to get a doctors note but my doctor wasn't willing to write me one. Hence my situation. So far this week I am not fired but the week isn't over. If any one reads this please if you have any spare thoughts and prayers and sticky job dust, could you send it/them my way? Really more our way, Calder and I. We need this job to continue our goal. Living on our own, in bliss.

Cheese and Chocolate

Ok so not so much of a fantastic title but man that is what I am craving. So much you would think I am pregnant but alas not luck this month. Maybe Calder and I should wait to actually have kids until, um I don't know, my doctor told us to. Haha after I had my D&C my doctor told me to wait until I have had 2 periods (TMI) to start trying again. Which funny enough goes perfectly with the original plans Calder and I made last time we had a miscarriage.
Any way on to better and brighter things. I have been craving so much lately. I just wish I had every thing. Mostly money to go shopping, but everything sounds about nice. I would like to have a perfect body. No strechies (as I call them) from Aspen. Those wounds of adoption are still real as they always will be, I would like not to have a physical scar/wound from it. I would like to have more monies, lol, doesn't every one? I would like to be done with working and be a stay at home mommy (kids fit perfectly in with this, so kids as well). I would like to have my BA, in case work. I would like to travel the world. I would love to see my husband flying jets, he is on the right road, just got to get through IFS and UPT and do amazing in both and then he is there. I wish I had the drive to eat correctly and work out every day, even if that means just going for a quick walk. I wish I liked myself more. I wish I was closer with my Heavenly Father, with my brother and my Savior Jesus Christ. I wish I would let the Holy Ghost in more, that I would pray more when I have days like this, that I would read my scriptures more. I wish Calder and I were closer on a sexual level and spiritual level. I just sit around and wish and crave and want things that I can't have until I go get them. Maybe I really am depressed as I keep telling people and myself. I lack motivation to do any of this but deep down I want it all. I want my life to be perfect and although at times it really feels like it is, sadly it is no where close to it. So bottom line, I need to read a self help book on how to become more motivated. LOL not really since I probably couldn't get motivated to do that. Ok maybe I could, I find comfort in reading. Which is another reason I want to read my scriptures, see its coming full circle. Kind of. I am just rambling now so I will stop. But trust kiddos, there will be more on my cravings, including pics!

been so long good friend...

Ok so I have done some changing lately, can't you tell? LOL. Well there is no where to start really. Not much has changed in my life. Calder and I have been through some good times and some hard times but they are our times. And I love every single one of them.

In Feb. Calder and I moved into our second place. Much nicer, we love it. It has 2 bedrooms. Hardwood floors, stainless steel appliances, washer and dryer, dish washer, carpeted bedrooms, I could go on but I am sure you get it.
Another year of ROTC has come and gone for Calder meaning that he only has...brace yourself for this.... ONE MORE YEAR LEFT! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO! He got his pilot slot for the Air Force and of course we found on our 2nd anniversary. We enjoyed dinner that night at Portland City Grill. I think that just maybe our spot every anniversary.
We also found out in Jan. that we were expecting a child, that was short lived. Not to be harsh or blunt about it but I am just trying to move on with my life. We so badly want to start a family but we understand our Heavenly Father has a plan for us and a child just wasn't in the plans at that moment. Maybe it will be in the very soon future. Please?
I have been thinking more and more about my blog and why I have one. I have it to serve as a diary, if nothing else. I want to do so much with writing. I feel like I have so much to say and I don't say it. I want to be able to write about religion, politics, fashion, my husband, my future family, my 2 families. I just want people to hear me, sounds whiny but so be it. I can do what I please here and that is what I want. hehe
Well that just happens to be it for today.

Just a few things...

So not a whole lot has been happening in my neck of the woods but let me update you on some things that are.

First let me say it is nice being 22 now. Thats right I had my bday and it was nice. Relaxing and fun all the same time. Second, I am now a college student! Just taking one class right now, but next term I am stepping it up as much as I can and taking 2 classes. I should be done with school by 2011. YAY! Third, school has started for Calder and it is already taking him away from me more than I would like,but oh well! 2011 cant come soon enough for Calder and I, its gunna be a big year for us. And last but certainly not least, I got a promotion at work. Including a 2 dollar raise and I am so excited! Life is just so good right now! Every thing is going like we planned and I feel so blessed and I am so greatful for my Heavenly Father! Well that is all, like I said not much to report,but all pretty good things!

5 days... so far so good!

So on Saturday Calder and I finally moved into our own place! It is very small (I think about 600 sq ft.) but it is ours and I love it! We have been very on top of getting things unpacked and our place is really looking like it belongs to us! Last night we decided to hang pictures. It really added that last extra touch to our living room. I need to take pictures of the place, but will only do that once it is totally finished. I love having our own place. Just cooking, cleaning and spending time - me and him- thats all. Last night I came home from work and made dinner. Sliced my finger open cutting chicken. It hurt so bad, but I laughed thinking about all the memories we will have in this tiny place. Our place!

10 day countdown...

So I have 10 days before Calder gets home and I couldn't be more excited. I can't believe I made it through with really only 3 bad days. One of which was not because Calder is gone. I am so proud of Calder and I can't wait to hear all about FT! I bet he is going to be so tired when he is home so I figure that week I wont bug him too much about doing things around the house. He needs time to relax.
So I started working out more. When I go running tonight it will be day 3 in a row. The past 2 days I have ran a whole mile without stopping or walking. That may not be a huge feat for some but for some one who hate running, it is such a thing to gloat about! I don't have much planned for the rest of this week. Just doing some fun things. To the shanghi tunnels tomorrow night as one last good bye to Ian and then Friday going to stay the night at my moms. We plan on seeing The Proposal. I am pretty excited. Its my weekend I am most excited about. I am going with my mom to Seatlle to see my Nana. She is up from California. Then Monday back to work for only 4 days. We get Friday off because the 4th is the next day. I plan on running around like a chicken with my head cut off that day. Saturday I plan on trying not to freak out. haha I am just so excited so hug him and kiss him. I feel like I can't focus. I dont have anymore plans made for after Calder gets home because when he is home it doesn't matter what we do...I will be happy no matter what!

A letter finally!

So Monday night I got home from work and there on the front porch was a letter from my husband and his Welcome Home banner! So pretty much my week was made that night! I haven't had a down day since! Calder's letter was short but cut deep to my heart. He seems down. He says he is being yelled at all the time and that upsets me so much. Not that I didn't expect that, but I know he isn't used to it and he normally looks to me for support in times of hardship and I am not there for him. I wish I could find some way to support him more while he is gone. I keep telling him I am so proud of him and I love him and miss him, but I just don't feel like that is enough!
I have been working out more. I went running last night and then did some abs when I got home. I plan on going to take my placement tests for school tonight and then going for a run! I really hope that even if I don't lose any weight before Calder comes home, that at least I will look a little better. I am also starting to grow my hair out. I should have listened to Calder when he told me not to chop it off. I miss my long hair. It was much easier to manage. You live and then you learn I suppose.